Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
