Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
