After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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