plz talk dirty to me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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