Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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