Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
