hotel room ftw
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
