you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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