I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
