shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
