I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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