please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.