ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...