brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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