can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
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I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We left an ass print on the piano.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.