Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later