hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The best revenge is premature balding
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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