I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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