Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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