Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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