i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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