kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
