Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
