i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
