I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
