he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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