someone owes me an orgasm
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
