Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
