remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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