oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
