I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
