put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
