Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
