Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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