You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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