Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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