In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
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I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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