I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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