I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
