I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can Purell be used as lube?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
