I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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