I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
