Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We just shotgunned beers for America
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
