How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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