I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
