she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
