I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
