just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
