this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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