I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
