the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize