I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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