i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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