You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
