i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
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Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
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I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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