You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
