you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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