If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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