I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
