he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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