I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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