I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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